


One cannot be brave (who has no fear)

by browneyedgenius



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Death, Gen, I actually really like this one I feel so proud, Melinda May is a Hufflepuff and you can't change my mind, Sadness, aka 'the real deal', au of 5x12, but a little ray of hope and happiness at the end, okay maybe she's a little slytherin too, oof serious angst, she's super loyal and protective, un beta'd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:35:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26831524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/browneyedgenius/pseuds/browneyedgenius
Summary: AU of 5x12. If May had gone to close the rift instead of Coulson (aka an excuse to torture my favourite character).'May continued walking carefully, expecting to see a vision of Andrew turning into Lash like earlier or the events of Bahrain. But what she actually saw was much, much worse.'
Relationships: Alphonso "Mack" Mackenzie & Melinda May, Leo Fitz & Melinda May, Melinda May & Jemma Simmons, Melinda May & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Melinda May & Yo Yo Rodriguez, Phil Coulson & Melinda May
Comments: 10
Kudos: 36





	One cannot be brave (who has no fear)

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't really like how her fear was supposedly Lash, so I'm changing it up. Three cheers for fanfiction!  
> I actually haven't watched past this episode yet, so sorry for anything that may lead to non-canonical events! :)  
> And am I using a Marissa Meyer quote for my title? Maybe. Yes. Her books are good.
> 
> Enjoy!

"May! What are you doing?" Coulson's voice is one of shock, of barely concealed fear. May can see Fitz-Simmons, Mack, and Daisy all running towards her, but the elevator doors were closing too fast for them to catch up. 

In response, May holds up the orb-shaped device Fitz had created to close the rift and the .50 caliber gun, and taps her ear with her other hand. "I'm closing the rift. I have comms."

Her jaw was set, her eyes full of determination, as the elevator doors closed with a sense of finality. In her ears, she heard the momentary static that signalled her comms being turned on and connected. 

"We have visual, May," Daisy's voice said. "Can you hear me?"

"Loud and clear." 

Then Coulson's voice comes on. "Melinda, why are you doing this? I thought we agreed it would be me." His emotions leak through his voice and into the earpiece, melting a little bit of the determination in May's heart. Out of the two of them, May had always been much better at concealing her emotions. 

Even from a few floors above, Coulson could practically _feel_ Melinda May roll her eyes. "I'm the specialist. This is my job. Also, you fainted earlier. You might faint again, and then I'd have to go down and save you anyway." Her voice was tinged with dry humour. 

"Not funny, May," Coulson replied tersely. 

Fitz interrupted their conversation. "May, do you know how to use the device?"

May scoffed. "I was paying attention when you explained, you know."

"May, come back up. I'm not going to faint," Coulson interjected pleadingly. The elevator doors opened. 

"And I'm not going to die, so stop worrying," she replied, stepping out. 

She expected a reply from Coulson and the team, but got only static. Pressing a hand to the comm, she lifted the gun in her other hand. 

"Coulson?" 

No reply. 

May sighed and put both hands on her gun. She let her eyes drift around her, staying alert and traversing through the debris. Her posture might've looked relaxed, but she remained tense. She knew that her worst nightmares could appear at any time. 

That was actually another reason she went in Coulson's place, actually. She faced her fears in nightmares every day, so she had a pretty good idea of what they were. She was much more prepared to deal with them than Coulson. 

May continued walking carefully, expecting to see a vision of Andrew turning into Lash like earlier or the events of Bahrain. But what she actually saw was much, much worse. 

The apparition of Simmons was first. As May approached the rift, hand reaching towards the orb device attached to her belt, Simmons ran out from the corridor she had just come out from. 

"Wait!" The biochemist called, holding a hand up. "Don't use that! I have a better one for you!"

Without hesitation, May shot her in the stomach, expecting her to dissolve into vapour. 

But that didn't happen. 

Blood spurted out of the wound as Simmons fell to the ground, almost in slow motion. Her face was one of pure shock, and it reflected what May was feeling as she ran to catch Simmons' falling body. 

"Simmons!" May yelled, cradling the agent's body in her arms. Simmons' eyelids fluttered, then closed. Her breathing stopped. 

"No, no, no," May breathed, eyes wide. "Wake up, Simmons!"

Part of her wondered how this was possible; there was no more gravitonium to create a second device, and the team would never send Simmons down there alone. But Simmons wasn't a manifestation of her fear, right? Why would she be afraid of Simmons?

May's rambling thoughts were interrupted by a heartbroken cry. 

"Jemma!"

Fitz (was it really Fitz?) ran toward them, seeing May's gun abandoned beside her and Simmons' dead body in her arms. His face grew dark with anger. 

"You killed her." His voice was accusing, dark, and deadly. A gun appeared in his shaking hands and he pointed it at May. 

Where had that gun come from?

May belatedly realized that the gun Fitz held in his hands wasn't an ICER, that the determined set of his eyes revealed that he was really going to shoot her. Reacting purely on instinct, she grabbed the gun beside her and shot Fitz in the leg. 

But instead of falling to the ground, he exploded in a shower of dissolving ash, which fell to the ground like snow. A piece of circular metal clinked on the ground. 

It was a splinter bomb, May realized with a gasp. Fitz... she had killed him. Shocked tears sprung into May's eyes. 

"Fitz-Simmons," she whispered under her breath. "I killed them." 

Mack's voice drifted into the room. "Turbo?"

"Don't- don't come any closer!" May said in a choked voice, staring at Simmons' blood on her hands and the layer of ash on the ground. What if she killed him too?

Mack didn't listen. He walked in slowly, eyes widening as he took in the scene. "How could you do this, May? I thought you were part of our team! Why would you betray us?"

"I- " May tried to get words out, but Mack turned away from her. "You're a traitor, May."

He turned to Yo-Yo (when had she come in?) and said, "Come on, Yo-Yo. Let's go somewhere where we won't have to see _her_ face." The hurtful statement was accompanied by a hateful glare from the Inhuman. 

The two of them walked out, not seeing the dark grey monolith sitting ominously in the corridor. 

"Wait!" May yelled hoarsely, but she was too late. The monolith turned to liquid, and swallowed the two of them up. Their startled screams were still repeating torturously in May's head when her phone started ringing. Odd. She could've sworn she had left it upstairs. 

Her hands shook as she reached into her pocket, her face streaked with tears. She pressed the answer button. 

"Hello?" 

"Hello Agent Melinda May, the CIA regrets to inform you that your mother, Lian May, was killed in action yesterday night. Our condolences for your loss." 

The phone dropped to the ground and dissolved into vapour, but May didn't register it. Her eyes were closed tight in raw pain and fear. She didn't notice Daisy walking in until she spoke. 

"I like the pain," Daisy said, and May's eyes shot open. 

But it wasn't Daisy, was it? Her gait was stiff, her eyes crazed. 

"There is so much pain. I like all the pain."

May crawled backwards, away from Simmons' body and away from Daisy. 

Daisy reached her hand out towards May. "Please, take my hand."

Tears dripped from May's eyes, blurring her vision, as she lifted the gun and shot Daisy in the head.

"It's not real," May said to herself, her voice thick with tears. The monoliths had been destroyed, Daisy didn't have Katya's powers, her mother had retired from fieldwork long ago, splinter bombs couldn't be shot from guns. But the blood on her hands, the screams she had heard, the sounds of the gunshots, they all seemed _so real_. "It's not real."

She heard yet another gunshot from behind her, and twisted around to see her amazing, supportive father falling to the ground, Grant Ward lowering his gun. 

"Dad!" May yelled, and suddenly she was six again, sobbing after falling from her bicycle, crying out for her father. "No, please."

She looked venomously at Ward, screaming through her tears. "I hate you!" 

May got up from the ground and rushed at him, readying to punch him in the face, and he dissolved into vapour, blowing away. She glanced at the spot where her father had fallen, relieved to see his body turn into vapour as well. That, at the very least, wasn't real. 

"Melinda?" 

May turned towards Coulson's welcoming, reassuring voice, and ran towards him, practically falling into his arms. 

"I couldn't protect them," she sobbed into his shirt, reassured by his arms around her. 

But she didn't remember those arms being so rough, so big. She looked up just in time to see Coulson's face turn into that of Lash's, his skin darkening to that horrible shade of blue. 

She fell backwards, and Lash lunged for her. 

And Lash turned into smoke. 

May looked up into the bright blue eyes of the _real_ Phil Coulson. The Phil Coulson who was lowering the gun that had shot Lash. The Phil Coulson that was _dying_. 

She saw the bodies of the team she had killed and the monolith fade away into nothing, and a feeling of relief fell over her. But at the same time, she felt a growing sense of dread. She now knew that all that had happened earlier was false, nothing more than manifestations of some of her worst fears. But this? This was real. It was real that Coulson was dying, and it was real that she could do nothing to help him. Didn't mean she would stop trying, though. 

"Phil," she said, exhausted. 

Coulson had seen part of her last fear, the one with him turning into Lash, and had caught a glimpse of the dead bodies of his team behind her. He had a pretty good guess of what her other fears had been, but decided not to mention it. He knew May would talk about it when she was ready. Instead, he gave his partner a small smile. 

"Sorry I took so long," he said. He glanced at the orb device still attached to her belt. "Let's seal that rift."

Unconsciously, the two of them moved closer to each other, grasping onto something stationary to prevent being sucked into the rift as it closed. Coulson watched as May pressed the button on the orb and glared at the shining rip in spacetime that had given all of them so much trouble. They stood next to each other, observing the inter-dimensional hole being knitted back together. 

They stayed there a little longer, as May wiped her tears away. Then Coulson put a hand on her shoulder. 

"We should go back upstairs. We've got a wedding to attend." 

May smiled slightly, the tension in her dissipating a little. "I've been waiting for that wedding since our days on the Bus."

**Author's Note:**

> What did you guys think? Was this good? Sorry for all the angst, lol. :)
> 
> A bit of an explanation for May's fears if I wasn't clear enough: Her accidentally hurting her team and Daisy in the place of Katya are based off the events of Bahrain, Mack and Yo-Yo hating her are based off her insecurities about what happened on the Bus when the team found her secret line to Fury, her fear of Lian May dying in the field, her fear of her dad being killed because of the enemies she made, and Coulson turning into Lash because Andrew turned into Lash and she's afraid of the same thing happening again. 
> 
> I live for comments and votes if you think I deserve it!


End file.
